Being Robin
by mahlia
Summary: After the group defeats Amazo, Robin is left feeling inadequate. An old friend helps him see that he can strike a balance between being Robin and being Dick. No character pairings, just a friendship fic.


**This hefty one-shot popped into my head and wouldn't leave me alone until I let it out. I know it's a bit angsty, so don't say I didn't warn you. I hope you enjoy it, though. Cheers! **

* * *

**Being Robin**

Gotham Academy, Late Night

Robin watched from the gymnasium doorway as Aqualad, Superboy and Kid Flash disassembled what was left of Amazo. Megan was sorting the parts into piles, a slight frown on her face as she concentrated. Her fingers gently flicked pieces in three directions and the piles continued to grow.

He turned and limped down the hallway, his boots crunching broken glass. At the end of the hallway was the school's trophy case. Well, what was left of it anyway- Superboy's back had taken out most of it. He slowly made his way to the pile of splintered wood and broken trophies, stopping to admire the large trophy at his feet. The small engraved plaque on the front of the trophy was still as shiny as the day he held it in his hands.

_First Place, 2010 Gotham Academy Science Fair_

"Hey, guys! Some of the league members are here with the crates to load up this heaping pile of parts! Where'd Robin go?"

Robin startled at the excited outburst of Kid Flash as he remembered why he was standing in front of this mess. He frantically searched through the debris, looking for the one thing that could completely ruin his cover. He spotted the tattered photo under a framed program from the senior class recital. Quickly, he brushed away the pieces of wood and the frame, plucking the photo from its hiding place.

The boy in the photo holding the enormous trophy looked familiar. His hair was black and it was short and neat. That alone wouldn't have caused anyone to look twice. The wide, easy-going smile on the boy's face, though, _that_ was the dead giveaway the boy in the photo was also the one currently **holding** said photo. Robin quickly tucked it into his glove and turned, limping back down the hallway.

His fingers lightly brushed the smooth metal of locker number 104 as he passed, a small smile spreading across his face. _12-67-19_ on the combination lock would have opened that particular locker and revealed several thick science text books, a few English workbooks and a math book about three inches thick. The report card stuck to the inside of the door with tape would have revealed a 4.0 grade point average.

He fought the limp as he walked back into the gym, seeing three neat piles of Amazo and one satisfied group of teenagers. Robin couldn't help but smile, but at the same time he also felt like the odd duck. Superboy certainly wasn't feeling any pain judging by the fact he was actually **_smiling_**. Aqualad was likely fine, since he'd arrived a bit later than Robin and Kid Flash had and avoided the worst of the confrontation. Megan was simply beaming, proud of their latest accomplishment. That left only KF, who by the looks of it, was feeling _just_ fine.

_Why am I the only one who feels like he's been tossed around like a stuffed animal? _He sighed, glancing down at his injured leg. _Not only am I the youngest and the shortest, I'm also the weakest because I'm human. Ugh._ Megan must have sensed something was wrong because she was looking at him with a concerned frown. He shook his head ever-so-slightly and she took the hint, focusing instead on Batman and Superman, who had just entered the gym. Instinctively his back straightened and his shoulders squared and the Robin everyone was used to was back.

"Hey, nice of you to stop by! We've got everything under control, of course." He waved at the piles of Amazo to their left. "Don't pretend you aren't completely impressed!"

He pretended not to notice the quick once-over Batman gave him as he approached. He hadn't been fooled by Robin's witty diversion. If Batman would have looked Robin in the eye, he would have seen just how fragile Robin was at that moment.

* * *

"Hey, Rob! Wanna take me on in a game of air hockey, or are you afraid you'll lose?"

Robin looked up from his laptop to see Wally holding up a pair of paddles. He was grinning like an idiot and Robin couldn't help but smile in return.

"I think I'm gonna head back to my room. I'm beat." He closed the laptop and pulled the cord from the outlet behind the couch. _I'm __**so**__ not looking forward to standing up._

"Oh, come on! We should be celebrating! We took out an android in _way_ less time than it took _eight_ members of the League!" He still held the paddles up, shaking them for emphasis. Robin could feel three other pairs of eyes on him as Superboy and Kaldur looked up from their video game and Megan glanced up from her book.

"I know, but in case you hadn't noticed, it's almost 3 a.m. Unlike you and your serious metabolism and endless energy, I need sleep." Tucking the laptop under his arm, he slowly stood and sidestepped Wally, leaving the four of them wondering after him.

"What's his problem?" Wally pointed in Robin's direction with a paddle, an eyebrow cocked. "He's normally the last one up- he's the night-owl."

"Wally, just leave him be. I'm sure it's nothing, he is only thirteen after all." Kaldur said, hitting a button on his controller to resume their game. "He'll be fine in the morning."

Robin closed his door and leaned against it with a weary sigh. _I really hope evil takes a day off tomorrow._ His back and shoulders were beyond stiff and his right knee was definitely tweaked. He gingerly crawled into his bed and opened the laptop, setting his sunglasses on the table next to the bed. He reached under the mattress and winced as his back angrily protested such a movement. Managing to retrieve the photo he'd hidden there earlier, he scanned it into his computer. As he waited for the image to appear on the screen he laid his head back on his pillow and stared at the ceiling.

"How does Batman do this night after night?"

His words were barely a whisper. He knew Batman had nights much worse than this and was always amazed at how he was able to push the pain aside and keep going. Alfred would mend Batman's cuts and scrapes, set dislocated joints and fill a tub with ice. He'd never tried the ice bath thing, but he imagined it wasn't fun even if it did help.

His computer beeped, indicating the photo had been scanned. Opening the file he looked at the photo again. The science project had been really easy. He and his partner had studied the relationship between a person's height and their level of agility. The demonstration he did for his classmates was definitely a major factor in their high score. Nora laughed so hard as she watched a member of the basketball team try to outmatch him in the agility tests. He'd clowned around a bit, waiting for him to complete the required tasks, but his gangly arms and legs kept getting in the way.

_Nora._ Robin frowned. She was noticeably absent in the photo. _She was at the hospital that day. It was the day she got her test results._

Nora hadn't come back to school after that, instead she began an incredibly intense round of chemo and radiation therapy to try and keep her cancer at bay. He had gone to visit her several times and the first time he brought their trophy with him. Robin closed the laptop and slid it under his bed. He made a mental note to tell Batman he'd be making a solo trip back into Gotham that afternoon. He would understand. At least he hoped he would.

That night Robin dreamed of Nora and her coffee-colored curls and deep hazel eyes.

* * *

"Batman here."

"Batman, it's me." Robin kicked an imaginary piece of dirt with the toe of his sneaker.

"Robin. Something wrong?"

"No, I.. I just had a question I needed to ask you."

Batman didn't answer, instead just stared back at him. Robin's hand shook slightly as he held the communicator in front of him.

"I was wondering if it's ok if I go visit Nora today. I haven't stopped by in a while and.."

Batman cut him off. "Is this about last night? Were you compromised?"

Robin shook his head. "No, I took the photo from the trophy case before anyone saw it. I just thought that.."

"I think it's a great idea. Something is obviously bothering you."

Robin's gaze snapped up at Batman's approval and he was stunned into silence. Batman sighed.

"Robin, I can tell you're hurting, and in more ways than one." Robin's cheeks reddened in shame. "Even I have to take a step back once in a while. There's no shame in admitting that, you are only human you know."

His comment struck a nerve in Robin and his whole body tensed. "You don't have to remind me that I'm human. I'm acutely aware of that." He was grateful he was wearing sunglasses, or Batman would have gotten one hell of a glare from the frustrated teen.

"You know that isn't what I meant. You and I have to take care of ourselves a bit differently than the others. We have to be careful." He paused a moment, waiting to see if Robin had a reply. When he didn't, Batman continued. "So take this afternoon and go visit Nora. Just be back by nine."

All Robin could manage was a nod. He switched off the communicator and tucked it in the pocket of his jeans. He grabbed his leather jacket and shoved an arm into it as he headed down to the garage.

Superboy heard an engine turn over and turned his head toward the sound.

"Anyone else hear that?"

Wally rolled his eyes and finished chewing his food before he answered. "Do you want an honest answer to that, Supey? Last time I checked you were the only one with.."

"Cut it out, Wally. I heard an engine start."

He looked at Wally, who did a quick survey of the occupants of the kitchen. Megan and Kaldur looked up from their plates as Wally spoke.

"I'm venturing a guess that no one's seen Robin yet today."

* * *

The bike zipped down the highway beneath him, the hood of his green sweatshirt gently flapping in the breeze. A quick glance at his watch showed it was just before two. If he hurried, he could get there by two-thirty. The throttle whined as he sped up, gliding around the curve leading into the Gotham city limits.

Robin never minded hospitals- he'd never spent much time in one and the only person he ever visited was Nora. The pediatric cancer wing wasn't exactly a happy place, but it was definitely a lot more cheerful than other wings of the hospital. The elevator dinged as it stopped at the fifth floor. Waving to Sarah at the desk, he took a right and headed down to the end of the hallway. Nora's door was open halfway, but he rapped his knuckles against it anyway.

"Come in," Nora said softly. Robin walked in and set his helmet down on the chair by the door.

"Hey, Nora." Her eyes lit up and she smiled widely.

"Hey, circus boy!"

He leaned down to hug her and was startled by her slight frame. Her frail arms hugged him, but not nearly as tightly as they had the last time he was here.

"How have you been?" He pulled up a chair and sat down, taking off his sunglasses.

"Oh, you know. I'm going home any day now. I've got this cancer thing licked." She smirked a little, but her answer definitely was tinged with sadness and exhaustion. They both knew she wasn't leaving. "It's nice to see you and those baby blues of yours. What have you been up to?"

"Well, it was same-old, same-old up until a few weeks ago."

She raised an eyebrow, waiting for an answer. He was obviously going to make her ask him.

"I take it you've graduated from your 'apprenticeship' and are now heading off to 'the academy'?" A cough wracked through her and he helped her take a sip of water. She smiled gratefully.

"Yeah, the big man took me on a tour on the fourth. It's pretty cool!"

Nora figured out early on who Dick was and what his 'extracurricular' activities consisted of. As fate would have it the girls from the girls' home she was living in were at the circus the same night his parents died. She started attending Gotham Academy two years ago, a year after he did, and recognized him right away. She didn't figure out he was Robin until their science project last spring. He had been screwing around on the high bar in the gym while they were taking a break and pulled a move she'd seen on the news two nights before. He planned on swearing her to secrecy but she'd beaten him to the punch when she suggested it first. They had been nearly inseparable ever since.

"I'm happy for you, you know. You've worked so hard and you've come so far. Your mom and dad would be proud," she said, pulling Dick out of his head.

"Yeah. Hey, you know that trophy we have in the trophy case at school?" Nora managed a slight nod. "A friend of mine totally smashed the case to pieces last night after being thrown into it."

Her eyes widened in mock horror. "And what became of our trophy?"

"Not a scratch on it. Though I do have an issue with the photo next to it not having you in it."

She shrugged. "It doesn't matter now, does it? I'll be gone, and you've already moved on to bigger and better things." He looked down at his shoes, having trouble looking at her. His jaw clenched when she said 'gone'. She noticed and reached a hand out to him. "Hey, look at me." He hesitated and she squeezed his hand and waited until he looked at her before she continued. "I'm sorry if that bothered you. But it _is_ the truth, you know."

"I know. Doesn't mean I have to be ok with it." He didn't let go of her hand and swallowed hard.

"Did I tell you how happy I am you're here?" She yawned. "I'm sorry, I'm really trying to stay awake." Dick let go of her hand for a minute and reached into his backpack. Pulling out a book of complex word problems and riddles, he held it up for her to see. Nora smiled.

"I've got it covered. You can rest for a while. I'll just work on these and we can do it together when you wake up." He moved his chair closer to the bed and rested his feet up next to hers. "Don't sweat it."

"Thanks," she murmured and closed her eyes. As her breathing evened out he took a moment to really look at her. Her soft curly hair disappeared a long time ago, now replaced by a fuzzy cap with a small robin on the side that she'd knit herself. And while she had always been pale, she was even more so now. She looked so _sick_ and it scared him. And it scared him even more that she likely wouldn't live to reach her next birthday in the fall.

With a shaky sigh, he squeezed her hand softly and started in on the puzzle book.

* * *

Forty-five minutes later Nora woke up and it took her a few minutes to remember where she was and who was sitting next to her. When she realized it was Dick her gaze sharpened and she smiled.

"Alright, boy wonder, let's have at it. Try and stump me." He looked up at her and stopped chewing on the cap of his pen.

"Sure. 'I love to mimic the right eye of my dad, which works like a radar, which is again similar to a rotator.' What's so special about that sentence?" He put the book in his lap and waited. After a minute or two, she answered.

"Eye, dad, radar and rotator are palindromes." She rolled her eyes. "That was easy." He looked at the next one on the list.

"Ok. So there was this competition where the contestants had to hold 'something'. At the end of the event, the winner was a person who had no hands or feet. What was he holding?"

"His breath."

"You're too good at this," he laughed and shook his head.

"No, you've read that one to me before." She grinned.

"I did not." He put the book back in his lap, recognizing the cover. "Ok, so maybe I did."

"Can I tell you something?" Dick rolled his eyes. "Ok, fine. Here goes." She struggled to sit up a bit and he leaned forward, putting an arm around her shoulders to help her. "This is probably the worst timing ever, I know, but there's something I want.. no, _need_ to tell you."

He moved from the chair and sat down on the edge of the bed, worried. "What is it?" He noticed there were tears in her eyes, threatening to fall.

"It's just.. I want to tell you how important you are to me. The first time I saw you flip on that trapeze bar when we were kids I knew I just _had_ to be your friend one day. You were.. you _are_, such a bright, happy kid. And you are the smartest person I've ever met." She paused a moment, taking a breath. "And you're the greatest friend I've ever had." She stopped talking and stared down at her hands in her lap, fidgeting with the iv needle in the back of her hand. Dick took her hand.

"I just knew my mad circus skills would come in handy someday." He smiled as she jerked her head up and looked him in the face. His blue eyes sparkled with mischief for a moment, then softened. "Thanks for telling me. It means a lot to hear you say that and lately it's something I think I needed to hear. And I want to thank you for being my best friend, for knowing all you do about me and not running away."

She laughed a bit. "You are a bit of a freak, but that's why I love you Dick. We're two orphaned freaks in a pod."

Their eyes met for a moment and he felt an incredible sadness creep into his chest. "Why does it feel like we just said 'goodbye'?" he whispered.

"Because I think we did," Nora replied, her voice cracking at the end. "But I think we should change the subject for now, since this is getting rather awkward." She smiled a small smile, earning one in return from Dick.

"Glad I'm not the only one who thinks so." He squeezed her hand again and chuckled.

* * *

They passed the next couple of hours talking, sharing stories about what's happened since they last saw each other and trying to stump each other with more riddles. Just after a cheesy movie started playing on TV, Dick leaned his head back in the chair and nodded off.

Nora took advantage of his exhaustion and took the workbook from his lap and the pen from his fingers and began writing in the back cover. It took nearly all of her strength, but she managed to finish. She tucked something in the back cover and put the book back in his lap, removed her robin hat and replaced it with a fuzzy pink beanie. She managed to tuck the robin hat in his backpack before her strength completely gave out. She laid her head back, finally admitting to herself she was too tired to stay awake anymore. Looking over at Dick, she smiled as he slept peacefully in the chair beside her. She took his hand in hers and gave it a squeeze before closing her eyes.

* * *

Dick stirred a short time later and the first thing he noticed was Nora's hand and how cold it was. Somehow he wasn't surprised; her hands always had been cold, but this time something was different- her grip wasn't as tight as is usually was. Gathering the nerve he opened his eyes and looked up at her. Her head was tilted away from him and eyes were closed. Her chest was still. His hand was still clutched in hers.

"Oh, Nora," he whispered. "That wasn't fair, I wanted to be there when you.." He choked back a sob.

A nurse checking in on them heard Dick's strangled cry and put a hand on his shoulder.

"I'm so sorry. Is there anyone you want me to call?" He shook his head. He stood, pulling his cell phone out of his pocket.

"I'll take care of it."

The nurse smiled sympathetically and left the room. Dick just stared at his phone in his hand, not having the courage to call Bruce. If he tried to talk right now he would break down and that's the last thing he wanted to do right now.

So he sent a simple text:

_Nora's gone. I'm heading back._

Pocketing the phone, he picked up his backpack and tucked the workbook in it. He scrubbed a hand over his face and sighed, turning back to Nora. She lay there looking as peaceful as ever. If he hadn't known, she could have just been sleeping. His throat tightened painfully.

He grabbed his helmet on the way out the door and hurried to the parking lot. It was suddenly _really_ hard to breathe.

* * *

Wally was trying to teach Superboy how to play Monopoly when Superboy cocked his head, listening.

"Your ridiculously sensitive hearing detect an intruder, Supey?" Wally tossed the dice onto the board, rolling a seven. Superboy merely rolled his eyes, left the living room and strode into the kitchen. "Oh, c'mon! You aren't losing _that _badly!"

"I think he's back. I heard his motorcycle." Superboy announced to Megan and Kaldur, pointing over his shoulder with a thumb. Kaldur nodded and climbed off his stool. Megan stopped stirring her cookie dough, closed her eyes and touched her fingers to her temple.

"Kaldur, wait," she opened her eyes. "Just leave him be. Let me go instead." Superboy and Kaldur both looked at her, the hesitation evident on their faces. "I can feel something is wrong." She dropped the spoon and glided out of the kitchen just as Wally walked in.

"What's wrong? Where's Robin?" He peered down the hall after Megan.

"She went to go find him. Apparently there's something wrong." Kaldur crossed his arms over his chest and leaned against the counter. "She could sense it."

"I wonder if it has anything to do with last night, when we were at his school," Wally pondered, eyeing the bowl of cookie dough on the counter.

"That was his school?" Superboy asked, surprised.

"Uh, yeah. In case you haven't noticed, Robin is _crazy_ smart. You can't get into that school unless your IQ is like, Einstein-level." Wally swiped a bit of cookie dough with his finger and tasted it. "She's getting really good at this!"

Megan stopped outside Robin's closed door and raised her hand to knock, but stopped. She heard Robin sniffle.

_"Robin?" _She thought, believing it would be better if she didn't say anything out loud. If he wanted privacy, she would give it to him.

_"Hey, Miss M." _He sat on his bed, dropping his backpack at his feet.

_"Are you ok? We haven't seen you all day. And I could feel how __**sad**__ you are the minute you were within range." _Megan bit her lip, trying to figure out the right thing to say.

_"Well, I've had better days,"_ he replied. He kicked off his sneakers and ditched his jacket on the floor, picking up the backpack and setting it on the bed. _"But I'm not really up for talking about it." _

Megan nodded to herself. _"I understand. You know where to find me if you need me, ok?" _She turned to leave.

_"Wait! Wait. Can I.. can I __**show**__ you what's wrong?"_

She cocked her head in thought and leaned against his doorframe. _"Well, I haven't done that before. But I'm willing to try if you are." _She slid down the wall and sat on the floor, drawing her knees up and closing her eyes.

_"Ok."_

Robin thought hard about Nora and her coffee-colored curls and her bright smile. He thought about their science project and how surprised he was to find out Nora had asked their science teacher to be his partner. He thought about the games they used to play to get her to eat or to pass the time while she was hooked up to an IV for chemo. He curled up on his side on his bed and squeezed his eyes shut, concentrating harder.

Megan smiled sadly. She would really like this girl Nora and hoped she had the chance to meet her. She could _feel_ how much Robin cared for her and she could feel the strength of their friendship. Her jaw dropped slightly as Robin's next memory interrupted her. Nora was in a hospital bed this time, all of her hair gone. They were telling jokes back and forth and then Nora was crying. Megan felt tears sting her eyes as she sensed how sad Robin was as Nora had been talking to him.

Robin let the tears fall, not bothering to wipe them away. The last thing he thought of was the moment he woke up and realized Nora was gone. As soon as he finished the thought, he heard Megan cry out in surprise from the hallway.

_"I'm so sorry Robin. What can I do?" _She wiped her eyes on her sleeves and stood up, facing the door. Robin chuckled slightly from his room.

_"Just.. just don't tell the others about this, ok? Please?" _

_"Of course. Your secret is safe with me. And I caught all of the doubt you're feeling. You aren't weak, Robin. You're one of the strongest members of this team and it's __**because**__ you're human."_

_"Thanks, Megan."_

_"I'll be in the kitchen if you need anything. I have cookies to make!" _

She hurried back down the hallway, leaving Robin to his thoughts.

He sighed and sat up, reaching for his backpack. As he was unzipping it, his communicator started to beep. He pulled it from his pocket and flipped it on. He rushed to wipe his eyes and was stunned to see Bruce, not Batman.

"Dick, I'm sorry I hadn't called sooner."

He shrugged and noticed the shiner Bruce had around his left eye. "Who gave you that?"

Bruce brought his hand to his face, grazing the bruise. "Doesn't matter. How are you?"

Dick chuckled humorlessly. "I've.. been better, obviously."

"I rushed to get to the hospital, but by the time I got there you were gone. I want you to know I've taken care of the.. funeral." Bruce choked a bit on the word. Dick sighed and leaned back against the wall, his wrists resting on his knees. "It will be on Tuesday, I've already had you excused from school." He paused again when Dick remained silent. "Did she have.. did she ever say anything about what kind of flowers she liked?"

"She mentioned daffodils once." His answer was barely a whisper.

"Alright then. I'll talk to you tomorrow, unless you want to come home for the night?" When Dick shook his head, he continued. "Get some rest, Dick, ok? Things will look better in the morning."

Dick nodded and set the device back on table and pulled the workbook from his backpack. A card fluttered out from the back cover and landed face down on the floor. He froze after he opened the back cover, instantly noticing the handwriting that didn't belong to him.

_Dick,_

_Hopefully you don't find this until after I'm gone. It would be incredibly awkward if you catch me writing this._

_I'm proud of you. You've been through so much more than a kid our age should have to go through. I wanted to leave you with a few things you have to promise me you'll do. And you have to do as I say, you know, since it's my dying wish and all. _

_Ok, that might not have been funny._

_So here's the list:_

_1. Whenever you have the chance, show people the Dick I know. Don't get lost in being Robin._

_2. Don't forget where you came from. Practice those moves, circus boy! Keep people guessing._

_3. Don't wallow in grief. Take a day or two, but move on. I'm ok with that, I know you won't forget me._

_4. And don't you dare do anything stupid. If you wind up back with me before you're old, I swear you'll regret it._

_5. Last but not least, remember how much fun we had together and don't be afraid to share that with someone. _

_I'll miss you, you know. But remember I'll be keeping my eye on you. _

_Love, _

_Your fellow orphaned freak in a pod, Nora_

He closed the workbook and sighed. Remembering the card on the floor, he stooped to pick it up. On the back she'd written another note:

_Bet you forgot I had this. :)_

Turning it over it was a picture of the two of them holding their science fair trophy on the day he brought it to the hospital to show her. The trophy sat at their feet and his arm was around Nora's shoulders, her arms around his waist. She had rested her head on his shoulder and he remembered her soft curls tickling his chin as the nurse took the picture.

The ache in his chest lightened a bit as he tucked the photo back into the workbook. He would be ok. It might take a little while, but he would get there. He had four superhero friends out in the kitchen who would do anything for him and a giant bat who would help him find his way.

He smiled and laid back on his bed, crossing his hands behind his head and staring at the glow-in-the-dark constellations on his ceiling.

Today had definitely been a disaster, but _not_ so heavy on the 'dis'.


End file.
